If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
