I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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