I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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