I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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