half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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