His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
There r osticjed everywhere
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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