my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My pussy is not your playground.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
