so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
