ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
