Someone shit on the floor
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
