I wish I could teleport
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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