So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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