That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i used baking grease as lip gloss
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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