This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
