So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
