woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
