My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
