Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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