Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Someone signed my nipple.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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