Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
