I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
