While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
