ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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