I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
