Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
