Your face is a jimmy john
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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