Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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