its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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