This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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