i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
