if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My balls are so social today.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
