dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
