go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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