I accidentally had phone sex last night
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
please come you make the beer taste better
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
