she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
