I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I need to wash the frat house off of me
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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