I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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