Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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