i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He has the fingertips of a God
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