fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
