You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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