things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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