there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
