ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
