you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
