I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
