Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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