There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Houston, we have a squirter
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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