I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
