walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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