I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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