Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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